You Are Not Alone!
Despite all the mindfulness training and teaching, I still have those “Cyclone” moments! You know the ones where you tell yourself:
– “I’m going to be the eye of the storm, cool, calm, and collected.”
– “Sure, I’ll go with the flow; I know I can’t control it, so I’ll just wait and see what happens.”
Then, within seconds, you turn into a tornado! Sometimes it’s just on the inside, but in my case, my inner wild winds often spill out into the open before I can blink! The good news? My ability to laugh about it sooner has become more accessible, which is a huge win. It takes the unnecessary pressure off myself and others, reducing suffering.
That’s why I love mindfulness practice and yoga and teaching it. Those who learn from my real-life examples can relate to moments when outer conditions don’t go as planned, like when I think, “I’ve got this—I can go with the flow,” only to find myself turning into a cyclone moments later.
A Personal Share
So, we land at Jakarta Airport, and all our luggage arrives except for my surfboard. I patiently wait until all the passengers are gone. Still no board. The Undercover Yogi offers to speak with the baggage handlers while I collect our other luggage. The initial result? No board, no certainty about where it is, or if we’ll ever get it back.
I remind myself to breathe—it’s just a board! We arrive at the hotel, and I even say out loud, “It’s okay; it will show up. I’ll go with the flow and see what happens.” The Undercover Yogi reassures me he’s done his best, and we’ll just have to wait.
But then, not hearing anything for a while—“NOT KNOWING”—I notice my blood pressure rising. My mind starts to amp up. In those moments of “Not Knowing,” my zen goes out the window, picks up speed, and the cyclone begins! I try to control everything.
I was doing my best to figure out why I was triggered while in the “Red Zone” (fight or flight had kicked in). When the sympathetic nervous system kicks in, it’s challenging to see clearly. But why was I stressed?
Some might say, “First-world problems!” Others might think, “Why worry? You can’t change it.” And some may argue I should feel privileged to be running a retreat. All of this is true.
However, what was driving my trigger? It wasn’t a lack of gratitude or awareness of my privilege to travel. It was fear! No amount of explaining to my amygdala how lucky I am was going to calm me down in that moment.
My little amygdala started telling me a story:
– “You won’t be safe without familiar equipment.”
– “You need things to feel familiar to help you feel confident in challenging territory.”
– “You can’t trust your body—what if your dystonia plays up? Then you’ll really be up sht creek in a barbed-wire canoe without a paddle!”
(Side note: Later, I had to explain this saying to our Mentawis Island and American friends. For those who don’t know, it means feeling like you really have a big problem!)
Unfortunately, the Undercover Yogi bore the brunt of my little cyclone outburst. Although it was short-lived, it was a conniption all the same.
How Does Mindfulness Help?
So how does mindfulness help me in this instance? More importantly, how can it help those on the receiving end of outbursts? Mindfulness didn’t stop me from reacting in the heat of the moment, but it helped me become aware of the source of my anxiety.
Even in a deluded moment, I admitted I was trying to control the outcome of getting my board back so I could feel safe. It was not about the surfboard; it was about my belief that I’d be unsafe without it. I felt safer when I had things I was used to—things I felt I could manage.
During my first couple of surfs, I had to borrow a board. I worried I wouldn’t be able to adapt. I was scared of getting hurt or not managing something new and unfamiliar! To an outsider, you might think, “Why make a mountain out of a molehill?” But for those who have experienced moments of not feeling safe, it’s understandable that we try to control our environment, people, and things to manage.
Then, with a little reminder from the Undercover Yogi—stating the obvious: “You’ve adapted before, mate; I’m sure you can do it again.” Although this wasn’t what I wanted to hear at the time, it was the truth.
In this instance, yoga helped build inner trust and confidence. We can’t develop self-trust without putting ourselves out there and trying. You can apply this to anything in life—my surfing story is just one example.
After my first wave on unfamiliar equipment, I realised nothing bad happened. I coped and actually had great fun! Suddenly, my gratitude came back online, along with my humour. I was able to laugh about my ‘Cyclone’ moment of freaking out while trying to control things like planes in a foreign country to ensure I had my surfboard.
Writing about it could be embarrassing if I felt shame as a yoga and mindfulness teacher for not having my sht together (because, you know, we should, right?). In hindsight, it does sound like a spoiled brat moment, but it stemmed from genuine fear for my safety.
Uncalled for to an untrained, judgmental eye, but to those who are curious—part of mindfulness—you might see that in the “Red Zone” mind state, I was convinced I wouldn’t be safe.
There have been times in my life when I haven’t given things a go because I didn’t feel safe. Sometimes this is warranted, but I wonder how many opportunities I forgo when my reactive patterns take over.
This is just one example of many insights I’ve gained over the years, leading me to learn more about compassion and balance between self-compassion and discernment. This is a significant part of the mindfulness coaching and mentoring programs I offer, both one-on-one or in groups.
It’s a relief for people—especially those wanting to teach or already teaching—that we are all still practicing. Yes, we all react, even when we have the tools! This is all part of calming down our reactions to what the mind is thinking.
Eventually, my board arrived on the island. In reflection, I actually caught waves easier on the board I had to use in the meantime. More often than not, we cannot control things, others, or our own fight-or-flight response initially. But we can learn to be more patient and compassionate with ourselves and understand the source of our suffering.
Rarely is it about the surface issue (the missing surfboard, the other person, or the weather). Often, it’s our internal broadcast about what may happen. By taking action, we can train ourselves to trust that we can do hard things!
Through mindfulness and yoga, we can learn to understand ourselves and others, developing more compassion for our cyclonic episodes. We can become patient enough to wait for the storm to pass, realising it’s all part of nature.
What happens in nature is no different from what happens inside each of us. As the cliché goes: “You cannot stop the waves from coming, but you can learn how to surf!”
Feeling safe does matter—it’s essential. Often, we may misread the weather because we’re too busy believing our own worst-case scenarios.
This is where mindfulness and yoga teacher training and coaching come in. We don’t always know how things will go, but we can let that uncertainty be a blessing in disguise. We can use turbulence to guide us back to clarity.
We can discover the truth: we are capable! We can cultivate self-compassion, discernment, and understanding that our fellow human beings are just as vulnerable as we are. Safety is important, and so is human connection. Understanding each other and our triggers is a valuable part of this process.
Why – because when it comes to Health, Healing, Wellness and Longevity – the biggest factor that helps (Evidence has proven this!) is NOT exercise , green smoothies…..
It’s CONNECTION and human engagement – what helps this is learning how to feel safe.
But also realising when we are safe but our internal radar is off.
These are the times when we need to be the most compassionate with ourselves and not beat ourselves up – or others for reacting.
Stay tuned for that in the next blog over on www.yoga-nrg.com
Namaste
The light in me sees and honours the light in you too.
Tammy xox
If you’d like to join us for our next retreat or yoga and mindfulness training, visit our
or reach out for a one-on-one mindfulness mentoring program at 0439418571.
